There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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