Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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