youre lurking in front of me
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
