You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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