hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
