Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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