I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
