yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
