all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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