hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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