I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize