So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
