Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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