In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
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He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
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Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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