Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
