who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
