I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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