Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
