i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
