I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
