i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
