You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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