The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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