So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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