i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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