i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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