I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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