First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
