Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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