Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
