How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
