Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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