You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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