I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize