Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
