So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
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I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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