i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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