shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
