i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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