You just made me feel so damn special
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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