you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
