Screwed.edu
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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