thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
