so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
