I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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