What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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