she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
