My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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