Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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