my phone needs a breathalizer
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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