Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
