Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Drake has all the answers
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
