The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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