I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
