i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
