hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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