I faked an abortion last night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize