I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
