I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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