what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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