I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
