I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
