Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
