Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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