at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize