somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
