I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
