we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
