I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
