did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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