I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
