That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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