Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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