just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
