I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
