if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
