you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
