So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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