Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
