I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
