I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I would ride that face into the sunset
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
