You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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